Kris is a little bit dizzy

(taken by Hank. Kris at Mjuz bar, Taipei, Taiwan)


 (接續上篇請先閱讀「行前準備兼顧櫃的三個月」)

 

前情提要:

 

在二零零七年六月二日,陳小芳駕駛著我的小白送我到機場。原本期待在機場演出一場轟轟烈烈、涕駟縱橫的羅曼蒂克大離別,沒想到check-in完距離(陳小芳堅持是「具」離,可見他的中文程度有多好。)登機時間還有兩個小時,出現了以下的對話:

陳小芳冷冷地說:「自己好照顧自己,這裡有一封信,上飛機以後再看,滾吧!」

漢克菜:「陪我等一下嘛!」

陳小芳:「可是停車費很貴」(跟男友相處最後的一個小時居然比不上停車費四十塊,由此可見我在他心目中的地位,唉!)

漢克菜:「可是我還要很久才登機啊!」

陳小芳:「我想去飆車」

漢克菜:「@$@#$………好吧!」

陳小芳:「嗯再見」

 

 

本文開始:

 

我失望地過了海關,瞧了瞧手中的信,走到吸煙室抽了兩根煙,愈想愈不是滋味。

 

氣得走進貴賓室吃了一碗牛肉麵、一盤炒米粉、喝了一杯咖啡,在免稅店買了一條煙,到候機室大了一便,心情才稍微好些。但一想到要從台北坐十二多個小時到洛杉磯,轉機七多個小時,再坐四個小時到薩爾瓦多的聖薩爾瓦多(San Salvador, El Salvador),轉機一小時,再坐四小時到秘魯的利馬(Lima, Peru),總計共約三十個小時,心情更好不起來。

 

有機會出國旅行遊玩搭飛機,照理說應該要很興奮才是。但不知是不是類似空少的國外業務工作做了太久,還是要離開陳小芳太難過,這次上了飛機,竟然沒有一絲開心的感覺,取而代之的是一股莫名的惆悵。

 

飛機好不容易起飛,我打開手中陳小芳寫給我的信,洋洋灑灑六大張標準A4紙,花了我半個小時才讀完。相信六年級後段班以前的朋友,在高中的時候應該都唸過林覺民「與妻訣別書」這一篇文章,以下節錄小部分英文版「陳小芳與菜漢克訣別書」:

 
--------------------------------------------------------

 
Dearest H
ank,

 
(…
此段開場白省略)

 

Some grow closer and some grow apart and I can only wish that it wasn’t the latter. This may very be the turning point of our lives. We might be stronger than ever because of this experience but this will always be a void that I won’t ever to able to fill in your life. I am petrified to death that I might lose you to this. I am scared that you’ll realize that you don’t and won’t ever need me to be around you anymore because if you are capable of having such a great time despite of my absence, then, why do you need me around?

 

When you are home when I get home, you always come to the door to help me with the bags and ask how my day was. You’d find your way around my bags and fatigue to come and give me a hug and then, it all feels worth while doing what I am doing.

When you are not around, I pretend to be busy but at the end of the night, I still feel like I haven’t done anything at all.

 

I wear your clothes even though they don’t fit me but they remind me that I still have parts of you in my life. The void that you left in this space is almost too loud to bear sometimes but I try to deal with it my own way which is to put you in a jar and place it on the utmost corner of my heart. These are the days when I can’t wait to get back to work and get the week over with so I can go be with you but I know that after this week, there would be nothing to look forward to on the weekends.

 

The good thing is I am now one day closer to when I will see you again. Right?

 

(…此段太過私密,故省略)

 

I will send my love along with the whispers of the wind, with the raindrops and with the rays of sun that will warm your heart and soul in the faraway land.

 

So, go find your soul, Hank. Find whatever it is that you are looking for. Whether it’s in me or not, please is honest with your thoughts and don’t forget to write them down. I would like to hear what you have to say and I’m always on your side no matter what. Remember that.

 

And when you feel like you are slipping away from me, please come home.

 

(…此段太過肉麻,故省略)

 

I won’t give up on you. I refuse to do so. Until you want me to. Until the moment that you tell me those words that I wish to never hear, I will hold down the fort and be strong for the both of us.

 

You asked if I would have a problem if you worked in the states or in a foreign country. I said: if you go, I’d tag along. Then, you said: but you can’t stay there. You can only stay if you are… my spouse. I answered: well, what a great reason to get married! Remember this?

 

I’d like to say this: even if we were not married, I’d find a way to be with you wherever you are. And by the time that your company is ready to send you to a foreign country, I think it would be in a couple of years, I sure hope that our love is mature enough for us to get married without a reason. We should get married when we both feel ready. We should get married because we find it hard not to be with each other. We should get married not because we are getting old or that I want to have a child/children by the age of 32. I only said what I said because I was too timid to admit that for the first time after my failed relationships that I am thinking about doing it. And this time, I felt the need to be good at it. Because this is the real thing. I care a great deal about you. So much more than you would ever know. I only pray to god that you feel the same thing too.

 

Have a great time and be safe, always.

 
I love you more than you know.

 

Your girl,

Kris a.k.a. (also known as) Ah Bi

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

只記得新航空服員問我要喝什麼飲料的時候,眼眶中的淚水忍俊不住嘩啦拉地流了下來,嚇得她慌了手腳,趕緊遞面紙過來。我連忙回答:「沒事沒事,給我杯水就好。」淚水仍是淅哩嘩啦地流了滿臉,所幸隔壁兩個位置都沒人坐。

 

手中的信一讀了再讀,我感覺到陳小芳在我耳邊耳語,真實到彷彿可以聽到她的呼吸聲。

 

This is all I need, a girl who is considerate and will always be there for me.

 

謝謝,感謝妳給我愛與勇氣。

 


 


 

我答應妳

看到巴西的裸女在我前面跳性感火辣肉欲橫流酒池肉林的森巴舞的時候我一定會少摸幾下的!!


Hank

全文完


創作者介紹

愛在天花蔓延時

hankris 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(5) 人氣()


留言列表 (5)

發表留言
  • Will
  • 六次喔!

    蔡同學,人家都講了6次,什麼時候給大家好消息阿?
  • 什麼好消息啊?我講了六次啥啊?結婚嘛?那是為了穩定軍心講的.哈哈.

    hankris 於 2007/09/22 00:19 回覆

  • 50歲公主
  • 樂不思蜀嗎?

    看來蔡漢克樂不思蜀,完全沒有想到蜀地的父老引頸盼望,老淚縱橫,就怕兒子浪蕩成習,成了天涯流浪漢。雖然林懷民跟林覺民分不清,到底兒子還是自己的好。每逢佳節倍思親,人家說的親,指的是父母,我們思的親,是兒子。月亮很圓,什麼時候回來團圓啊?!院子裡的炭火嗆出了眼淚呢!
  • 菜漢克樂不思蜀,但非扶不起的阿斗,在此也沒有司馬昭封我為王。孟子有曰:「天將降大任於斯人也,必先苦其心志、勞其筋骨、餓其體膚、空乏其身、行拂亂其所為。」漢克在南美過得是困苦的日子,每天用半冷不熱的水洗浴,在此無一刻不思念家鄉之麻辣鍋、牛肉麵與肉圓,您傳來的爌肉配炒米粉更是令人垂涎。但在南半球的月亮盈虧與北半球不同,能夠換個角度看世界,換取一些人生經驗,這樣的困苦又算些什麼?

    十分想念老父老母,一切可好?

    流浪漢Hank

    hankris 於 2007/10/02 02:19 回覆

  • belle
  • 翻譯啦

    唉喔...............看英文好累喔
  • 叫你高中好好念你就偏不
    練習一下啦

    hankris 於 2007/10/04 00:44 回覆

  • 媽咪
  • 思念

    酷哥.大地震老跟著你.太可怕了.還是趕快回來吧0
    本來要訂做一個有玻璃的菜櫥.看來可以省下這筆錢了.問候小芳.
  • 姨媽

    看來我是地震製造機
    我回去等一下台灣就發生地震還是不好
    還是留在這裡的好

    請代我問候阿平爸爸:)

    Hank

    hankris 於 2007/11/20 02:25 回覆

  • 悄悄話